Thursday, 29 September 2011

Resident (evil) mouse

The other day I was minding my own business as I was packing up my lunch for work the next day. I went to open the fridge and the next second I see a teeny, tiny brown streak dart out and dive under the washing machine. I got such a fright I froze, opened my mouth wide, squeaked a bit and waved my arms around until someone asked me what was wrong.

The next morning I woke up at about 4am and needed the bathroom. I turned on the light just in time to see the same miniature brown thing dive off the basin and out the bathroom, missing my feet by centimetres. Repeat performance of the above, but of course no one was around at 4am so I got over myself and went back to bed.

So my close encounter with a mouse got me thinking about what would happen if the world went resident evil on us, and it was a zombie jumping out at me instead of a mouse.  This is a perfectly normal thing for me to ponder of course!

I got to thinking about survival and I hit upon few problems.

Firstly I’m as blind as a bat without my glasses or contacts so what on earth would I do when I ran out of contacts and my glasses get either broken or my eyes got worse? It’s not like an optometrist would be kind enough to stay open just for me ….alas natural selection would take its course and I would be unselected pretty quickly.

The second major problem is that I don’t like dark places and scary things jumping out at me. Well ANYTHING jumping out at me for that moment, my resident mouse being a case in point. My standard coping techniques for things labelled as ‘scary’ are to either scream and render everyone in the vicinity temporarily deaf or freeze and pretend I’m not there. Neither are particularly effective as far as survival is concerned.

So after all this thinking it occurred to me that I'm very glad my visitor is a mouse; at least as long as it’s a mouse I can dye the grey hairs the shock gives me – if it was a zombie it would just eat me!

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