Meeting real men, really?

When we go out and about as single women we come to expect certain things from the men we meet, depending of course on where we go. The general standard is man-boys , normally plastered, that can talk about nothing more than sports and cars ... *sigh I imagine the way we feel now is sort of how the mature men felt in the 1800s when talking to young 18 year old girls who could talk about nothing other than the weather; it’s actually slightly depressing!

I feel duty-bound to actually distinguish man-boys from normal men; it is a very subtle difference in attitude more than actions if I’m completely honest. A man-boy is an adult male who never grew up, who seems to live for nothing more than getting wasted, trying to score and they generally don’t have a whole lot going on upstairs; this is very different from ‘normal’ men who go out have fun, get wasted, but they know when to be responsible, they have very real responsibilities in their lives and they have plenty of interesting stuff going on upstairs. It’s a very subtle difference.

I went out the other evening and encountered something rare; I went out and met smart men! Mind you these men were kind of on the other end of the scale since they were Astronomers and IT whizzes. I was expecting to feel like I had been launched into an episode of Big Bang Theory, but I didn’t! Mind at one point they lost me when they started quoting Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy, which went way over my head since I actually haven’t read the book!

I have to say, it was an awesome evening. I don’t know whether it was because I was out and about with people older than me or whether there were just no pretensions and trying to impress people. All I know is it was pretty darned entertaining and very, very refreshing! It’s so nice to go out and meet smart guys for a change!

Hormones, heart or head????

I watched friends with benefits on Sunday night, thankfully with a group of friends and not with parents as it was one of the cringiest movies I have seen in ages! Cringy, but the hopelessly romantic sap in me (buried real deep mind!) loved every second of it!

In one part of the movie the main actress mentions a 5 date rule. Essentially no sex until date number 5. So as a group of females are wont to do, we got chatting about this issue. One of my friend piped up that this is the kind of stuff I should write about, so I am – I’m not sure that I’ll have much insight to offer though!

Basically how long should you wait until you have sex with someone? The obvious answer is wait until you’re ready; unfortunately though, your body is normally miles ahead of being ready compared to your head and heart. I still think it depends what you are after, if you want to just satisfy (tee hee) your hormones, and you’re not bothered about a call back or seeing them again why wait? The problem is that as females it is not so easy for us to do that. A little corner of our souls wants more, wants to be called back, wants to feel like that special one – no matter how much we protest that we don’t!

So if you’re looking for a relationship and not just casual sex, how long do you hold out to know that a man isn’t going to do the nasty and disappear into a puff of smoke? I suppose it depends on the guy and how much they like a challenge, after all not all men are just looking for a quick lay, and really it costs NOTHING for a guy (or girl, I suppose it does work both ways) to say the right things at the right time then next second you know you’re feeling very used and wondering where the hell that ‘perfect man’ disappeared to, leaving this weird alien in his place to walk out the door never to be seen or heard from again.

Honestly I think to play it safe, the longer you wait, the less likely the guy is just out to add you to the notches in his bedpost. I used to think a good 3 months would do the trick, but that is very, very hard to achieve; even for an ice queen!

My advice would actually be to be upfront and honest about what you are looking for, if you don’t tell, they won’t know! Complete honesty comes with a risk though, for some reason men (I really do apologise for the generalisation) seem to think that as soon as you’re not just into casual sex you want to be with them forever, get married and have babies (weird I know) and so they run (if that was really the case I would also be sprinting out the door!).

Ultimately try use your head as a thinking organ and not as a sex organ and that will hopefully help you out!