Jealousy is a strange emotion, in small doses I used to think it was healthy. It makes you try a little harder, do a little more, efforts that any relationship, fling or otherwise can always do with. The catch is that it’s poisonous, it fuels your insecurities and spite, and no matter how hard you try and how attentive the partner you stop believing it. The thing is trying hard is a great thing, trying hard because you’re jealous not so much.
On a realistic level is it fair to despise that beautiful, incredibly sexy girl on the dance floor because of the way she is? No not really, but there is often a little something in you that hates her anyway which is very unfair when most of the time she is just minding her own business and dealing with the very raw side effect of seducing without meaning to – it’s a bitch!
I used to think ‘well don’t give me a reason to be jealous and I won’t be!’ That’s bullshit. That means you’re looking for reasons and should take a time out to figure out what is going on in your head. If you are with a man (remember he most likely wouldn’t be with you if he didn’t want to be) and they notice another woman, it’s most likely because they are not blind, not because they are comparing you and are now demanding an upgrade. Mind you it often takes very little for you to get it into your head that she’s pulling moves on your man, and if she isn’t and you are being fanciful your subsequent blow up is going to make you look petty and drive a mountain sized wedge between you, and if she really is hitting on him it’s up to him to shut her down and return to you!
Look I’m not saying turn a blind eye if your partner has a roving eye, if it really is a roving eye and you can live with it fine carry on, what I’m saying is if you’re uncomfortable try to find out why and fix it or maybe it is just a bad egg and let it go.
I’ve been on both sides of this particular fence – I have poisoned a good relationship with my jealousy and I’ve been the unassuming (and undeserved) target of another’s. Neither side is particularly fun. Nowadays I have decided if I start feeling jealous I don’t feel secure. If I don’t feel secure it would never work so walk away early. Sure it’s harsh but it’s a lot safer than tearing yourself and someone else up over a jealousy. Keeping this in mind every situation is different and try go with your gut – it’s usually right.
Jealousy is not only nasty, it’s a toxic poison – AVOID AT ALL COSTS!!!!